Ugly Sweater Party Time! The Ten Worst Golf Themed Sweaters Known to Man.
By Hannah Birss
Ugly sweater parties are the new big thing on the social scene. It used to be that come Christmas, Halloween, or really any given theme people would go out to second hand stores and crawl through the racks in the hopes of finding a truly awful sweater to ironically parade around in. In fact, ugly sweater parties have now become so mainstream, they specially manufacture them for Christmas in brand names. Knetgolf took to the internet to find the most…interesting duds for your next ugly sweater party on the green. Say what you want about their patterns –they still look ridiculously comfy.
1. You really shouldn’t keep that hidden flask of whiskey in your equipment. When you took that last swing on the fourth hole when you thought no one was looking, you accidentally spilled some on your bag. Turns out it’s a lightweight, and now it’s thrown up all your equipment on your brand new sweater. Don’t worry – if you just play it cool, everyone will think you wore this on purpose.
I suppose you’d have to be drunk to be able to wear this out and about.
Original image found here.
2. Historically speaking, clothes tell a story. Embroidery, the cut of the cloth, the style of the cloth: all of them can be used to communicate. In this case, the sweater is communicating story is about a beautiful day out on the green, with an anthropomorphic sun that smiles benevolently down upon you. At least….we hope it is benevolent.
Is it just me, or does that one golfer really have to go to the bathroom?
You can buy this monstrousity here, at SprightlyVogue
3. Vintage clothes are all the rage if you want to look young and hip while still looking old. Add a pair of big sunglasses, and you’ll be the most fashionable person on the green. Just make sure to tell everyone you found it in the discount bin at the goodwill, and not at the back of your closet. You wouldn’t want anyone to think that you bought this unironically.
Perfect for those adventures in the rough.
You can view the original image and purchase this sweater here
4. Somehow, we managed to find a sweater that was both cheery and chilling, kind like something that weird aunt you never see would wear when she invites you inside her cat-infested house to tell you about that one game that happened twenty years ago. She’s so wrapped up in the past, she doesn’t realize that instead of sugar, she accidentally put rat poison in the sugar bowl.
Perfect for the forgetful aunt or serial killer in all of us.
You can view the original image and buy this sweater here.
5. Grandpa sweaters are in right now. While some people would balk at the combination of argyle, palm trees, and multiple golfers crowding onto the front of the sweater, a messy top bun and a pair of black tights would turn you into the ultimate hipster. Remember - there’s never something that’s “too loud” when it comes to an ugly sweater party.
To complete the illusion, don’t forget a hearing aid and a crotchety demeanor.
Original image found here.
6. If you want your sweater to pull double duty – show off your love of the holidays and show off your love of golf – never fear, the Santa golf sweater is here! This particular sweater can be used multiple times of the year, in either sun or snow. I guess it’s no surprise that Santa is also a snowbird.
I would have traded the North Pole for sunny shores eons ago.
You can view the original image and buy this sweater for your secret Santa here.
7. I’m not quite sure what the boxes on this sweater mean. While the sweater itself would have been enough to be included on this list, the boxes add a whole new level of confusion. Is it so people can easily find the objects on the sweater? Does it progress like a comic book, with each box lining up to tell a story? Is it some terminator-style advanced targeting system? No one will ever know.
Targets acquired – initiating launch sequences.
You can view the original image here.
8. Heading overseas? Don’t forget this fancy little sweater when golfing on the European greens. The surveys are in, and the results ready to be announced – adding a castle to anything is sure to class it up. If you look really closely, you can see the angry mob of peasants with torches and pitchforks.
If you look even closer, you can see the well-used guillotine.
You can view the original image here and buy this sweater here, should the mood suit you.
9. Woven in a style reminiscent of an 18th century fox hunting painting, this sweater is best worn with an expensive pair of riding pants and some sharp-looking boots. If you really want to intimidate your foes on the green, don’t forget your riding crop.
Mmmm yes, indubitibly fine. Jeeves, fetch me my putter.
You can buy this sweater and view the original image here – English thoroughbed not included.
10. If you squint your eyes and tilt your head, the very loud (practically deafening) combination colors in this particular sweater blur together to form its own type of perverted argyle. If you think this is a little too tacky to be wearing on the green, and you don’t feel like blinding the rest of your party or giving them confusion headaches, you can always frame it and call it abstract art.
Wait a second…I think I just found out a way to make my first million.
You can buy this sweater and view the original image here.
What about you? Do you have any ugly golf sweaters? Let us know and link us in the comments below!